And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
