I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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