He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
