the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
