May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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