He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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