I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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