Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
