Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
