I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And then my night got REAL pukey
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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