I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
