I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
