In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize