I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
