i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
