I'm eating all of the evidence.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
