Pants 0. Shit 1.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
