my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
