if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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