I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
