I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think my tv is drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Send help, water and tortillas.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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