did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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