why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come on in and take your pants off
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