I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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