I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
