Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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