Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
