I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
