And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
