long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
