Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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