and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
