I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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