Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
