I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
