Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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