My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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