Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
