saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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