whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize