R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
