After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
