I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
