Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
