WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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