WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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