standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
