I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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