Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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