I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
