my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
