Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
