mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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