The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
