I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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