I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need a burrito and a hug.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
