Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
