i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
