Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize