Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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