And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
