I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
