okay pat passed out under dana's car
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize