You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
