Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
