dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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