He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
