I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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