I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
